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My mom used to put musicals on when she would sew, just something fun in the background. One of those musicals was Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (1954). It was a quaint musical that was on in the background when I was a kid, watching it as adult, here’s the plot, and I don’t think I’m exaggerating that much in bad faith:

A man and woman get engaged. It turns out, the man has 6 randy bachelor brothers excited to wed. The woman has 6 sisters. The brothers hatch a plan to kidnap and coerce the sisters to a lodge in the mountains. After they get through a snowy pass with their detainees, the brothers cause an avalanche that blocks the route to town until the next spring. Of course, they sing and dance (it’s a musical, after all) until they reluctantly fall in love with the most age appropriate brother.

In my head, this would be a cool horror movie. These six sisters are kidnapped by a family of freaks that hold them hostage because, of course, they deserve to have wives. They have to escape, but they have to walk on eggshells and cautious not to offend the men.

Today I’m watching Jeremiah Johnson (1972), a story of a mountain man in the latter half of the 19th century. Again, I’m hardly exaggerating. Early on, he admits he just couldn’t make it in the city and never found a woman. First, he comes across a small farmhouse where natives have recently attacked. One of the only survivors is a small boy, maybe 5, that Johnson has to take with him. He meets a morally corrupt monster of a man who murders a group of natives, scalps them, and sells the scalps to another tribe. Johnson doesn’t seem to approve of this behavior, but he reluctantly does. Johnson somehow offends the tribe’s leader, and through some shady deal/tradition, the leader offers his own daughter (Swan) to marry Johnson. Swan is a full human being in her own right that cannot speak the same language as this man. She doesn’t know where this boy came from. It’s shown a few times that Johnson is not the best mountain man, and Swan has to step in and literally keep them from starving in the wilderness. The movie depicts them as building an affection before he leaves her stranded in the wilderness with a random kid she can’t communicate with while he hunts buffalo. It’s the middle of winter and snowy. There is no help for hundreds of miles. Johnson gets attacked by wolves and isn’t home when they agreed to. What does she do? And then he comes back and all is well and they embrace :) ~~until he leaves again and she and the kid get murdered and he goes on revenge killings the end.~~

The whole movie is already just a rugged male power fantasy, just tell that story with that honesty. He’s terrifying, short-tempered, and dangerous. Watch the movie like that and you could almost shoot it shot for shot with a different tone and soundtrack and it’s terrifying.

Any other movies come to mind like this?

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